Abusive Parents

Living with abusive parents can have long time psychological effects on children. Hence, knowing about abusive parents is important to help children in your neighborhood or class who suffer from abuse from their parents. This article will give you some valuable information on abusive parents.

Child abuse is definitely a serious issue and more so when it is done by the parents themselves. Though most people will not believe that parents can abuse their own children, it is a problem that is faced by many young children irrespective to class, race, gender and country. Most people think that child abuse by parents is only physical, however, this is totally untrue. Rather, there are various types of abuse that children can suffer from the parents.

Parental abuse can be emotional, physical and sometimes even sexual. However, the most common and severe parental abuse is when they neglect their children physically as well as emotionally. Exposure to such kind of abuse can cause serious distress in children as the people who are supposed to love and take care of them while in distress are the ones who are actually hurting them. As abusive and neglectful parents can cause severe physical, mental and emotional damage to the children and hamper their normal development, it is important to recognize and take care of children who are being abused by their parents. Hence, let us take a look at abusive parents facts and the effects they can have on children.

What Causes Abusiveness in Parents?

One of the common reason for parents to become abusive towards their kids is that they themselves have experienced it during their childhood. Many people do not even realize that they are abusing their children because such kind of behavior would be something that they would consider as normal. Some parents take aggression and violence as a way of controlling their children. Apart from this, parents who are suffering from certain kind of mental illness or personality disorder can also be abusive towards their children. Moreover, children with parents who have a drinking problem or substance abuse can also become victims of parental abuse as they may be neglected by their parents totally.

Signs of a Child Dealing with Abusive Parents

As the abusers, in this case, are parents themselves, recognizing the signs of abuse can be a little difficult for an outsider. Moreover, children who are victims of the abuse may not come up with the issue because of the fear of getting hurt by their caregivers again. Nevertheless, there are some signs that one can look for, if they suspect that a child is undergoing abuse by his/her parents.

Signs of Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is surely the one that can be recognized easily. Physical abuse like hitting, pinching, beating, shaking, burning, etc., are often used by parents as ways of punishing their children for some wrongdoing. They think that it is the best way of disciplining their children. However, this causes the development of fear in children towards their parents. Children who are being physically abused by their parents can be seen with unexplained and frequent injuries like cuts, bruises and welts. They may shy away from touch or may seem to be afraid of going home.

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Little children need love and attention from their parents during their growing up years to feel secured. This should be done not just by buying them gifts, but also by hugging and kissing them. Also, kids like to be appreciated for their achievements by their parents, even if it is small one. However, when this does not happen and the child is humiliated at every step by the parents by calling her a stupid or a fool, the kid can be said to be a victim of emotional child abuse. Such parents may call the child worthless and constantly compare her negatively with other children. Emotionally abusive parents may punish their child by yelling and threatening her or may be by ignoring her completely.

Children who are exposed to domestic violence i.e. if one of the parents is abusing the other, the child can be called a victim of emotional violence. Children who are emotionally abused by their parents are usually fearful, anxious and withdrawn. They may not show any kind of attachment towards their parents or caregiver. They may exhibit extreme behavior, i.e., some kids may behave like adults, while others may show infantile behavior like throwing temper tantrums, rocking, thumb sucking, etc.

Signs of Child Neglect

Parental neglect is said to be one of the most difficult type of abuse to detect as well as to define. Neglect can be defined as a situation where the parents completely ignore the children, both physically as well as emotionally. Such parents may not bother to fulfill their children's basic needs like proper food, clothing, etc. They may leave their children unsupervised at home or at places where the children are not safe. Some of the warning signs that people can observe in a child who is neglected by his parents are filthy and ill fitting clothes, untreated physical injuries and health problems, etc.

Signs of Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse of children is not uncommon, though hardly spoken of. In most cases, the culprit is a close friend or relative and in certain cases, parents themselves. Though people think that only girls become victims of sexual abuse, this is actually quite untrue. Rather, even little boys can become victims of sexual abuse. Children who are abused sexually are usually filled with shame and guilt and are likely to blame themselves for the happenings. Some of the signs that a sexually abused kid may show include difficulty in sitting or walking, making efforts for avoiding a person, showing knowledge about sexual acts, etc.

Abusive Parents: Effect on Children

Growing up in an environment where their physical, emotional and mental needs are not fulfilled does have a strong negative impact on the minds of children. Though the scars left by physical violence will not last for a long time, the emotional scars etched on their minds are permanent and can damage their life as adults.

• Children who have suffered abuse from their parents usually find it difficult to form and maintain long-lasting relationships as adults. As the emotional needs like trust, security, reliability, etc. are not fulfilled in the relationship with the parents, the children are not able to form good and healthy relationships because they do not understand that these are the basic things that are required to maintain a loving relationship.
• Living with abusive parents can hamper the self-esteem of children as parents constantly telling them that they are stupid and worthless for a long time, may make them that it is actually true. As adults, they may not be ready to take up challenges like higher studies, better job, etc., because they may consider themselves as incapable of such achievements.
• The emotional damage caused by sexual abuse, especially by their parents will be most severe. They may live with the feeling of shame and stigma throughout their adult life. Sometimes, this may lead to the occurrence of severe mental as well as psychological problems in the person.
• Children of abusive parents may have difficulty in expressing as well as for controlling their emotions. They are also likely to get addicted to alcohol or drugs, just to relieve the painful thoughts caused by parental abuse.

I hope you have understood the dangerous effects that abusive parents can have on the psyche of children. Hence, if you suspect a kid in your neighborhood or may be in your family undergoing abuse from his/her parents, it is important to make certain efforts to save the child from the damages caused by it. Children who are abused by their parents can be helped with proper treatment and therapy. Though most people ignore such things due to the fear of interfering in other people's lives, you must remember that a step made by you can make a huge difference in the life of an innocent child.

By Deepa Kartha
Last Updated: 9/21/2011

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Article from Buzzle.com
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Teaching Your Child Charity

Article from Parenting.com
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Helping kids share their good fortune with others may be the most important money lesson of all.

By Diane Harris

All kids are born with an innate sense of charity and compassion. Sure, it's easy to lose sight of that fact as we listen to our little ones clamor for the hottest toys, tastiest treats, and trendiest clothes. But if we look closely, the signs are everywhere. Watch your 2-year-old stop to offer a wailing baby a comforting toy. Catch your 5-year-old consoling a pal who has just been walloped by a playground bully.


"Children naturally look for ways to make a contribution and help others," says Deborah Spaide, founder of Kids Care Clubs, a national organization based in New Canaan, CT, that provides information on community-service projects for youngsters. "But just as we give our children opportunities to use their legs when they're learning to walk, we need to give them opportunities to exercise their charitable muscles so they become really good at giving too."


The benefits of actively fostering children's charitable impulses are enormous. Besides helping counter the overdeveloped "gimme" impulse, it gives kids a powerful boost in self-esteem to realize they can make a difference in someone's life. "And as corny as it sounds," says Patricia Schiff Estess, a New York City writer and the author of Kids, Money & Values, "when you help a child help others, you are helping to create a better world." Here are the best ways to go about it.

BE HANDS-ON

Most people tend to associate charity with giving money. We write a check to our favorite cause, drop a few dollars in the basket at church, participate in school fund-raisers, and feel good about our efforts. But pre-adolescent children may have trouble understanding such an abstract concept as donating money to a worthy cause. "It's hard for kids to grasp that the money is going to, say, buy bread, which in turn will help feed ten homeless people," says Spaide. "Many children can't take the process that many steps forward in their minds."

Spaide encourages parents to let their children experience charitable giving firsthand. Even a preschooler can help a parent bag lunches for a soup kitchen, distribute socks to the people in a homeless shelter, or clean an elderly neighbor's yard. And as children grow, so do their opportunities for making a difference.

In choosing a project, try following your child's lead and interests. The more you let her direct the process, the greater the involvement she'll feel and the more she'll learn from the experience. Suppose your 6-year-old has expressed concern that poor children don't get enough toys. You might ask her if she can think of ways to collect and distribute toys to needy kids. Perhaps she'd like to do extra chores around the house to earn some money to buy the toys herself. Or she might suggest posting a sign in school to solicit toy donations from her classmates.

Of course, if your child is stuck for inspiration, there's nothing wrong with gently leading her to a worthy path. One book that's full of ideas for suitable projects: Spaide's Teaching Your Kids to Care. Also consider helping your child band together with friends to do good works by helping her launch a Kids Care Club.

 PUT THEIR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS

An allowance can be as handy a tool for fostering charity as it is for teaching other aspects of money management. Peggy Houser, a Denver financial planner and author of How to Teach Children About Money, advocates starting an allowance system as soon as your child starts school (or even earlier if you think he can handle it) and dividing the weekly dole into three parts, each clearly earmarked for a specific purpose: spending, saving, and sharing. Explain that the sharing portion is to be used for gifts to charity, and couple your explanation with a simple statement of your philosophy on the subject, such as "Our family believes it's important to share our good luck with people who are less fortunate."

The exact percentage of the allowance you apportion to charity doesn't matter; what is important is simply to incorporate giving into the child's budget. "The goal is to make giving money to those in need a routine," says Houser.

What you encourage your child to do with the money is key too. Instead of simply giving cash to a worthy organization once he has accumulated a reasonable amount, suggest that he use the money to buy a toy for a poor child or socks for a homeless person or some other item needed by someone in serious straits. Then take him to deliver it.

SEIZE THE MOMENT

You don't need to set aside a special time to talk about the importance and joy of giving. Opportunities pop up all the time. Passing a homeless person on the street, for example, might be a good occasion to talk about the fact that some families don't have enough money to pay for a place to live. Visiting an elderly or ailing relative might be the right moment to discuss how important it is to reach out to people in need. Says Spaide, "The idea isn't just to sensitize your child to some of the pain and suffering in the world, but to give her the great gift of thinking that she has the power to help make it better."

 PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH

As with everything else in life, kids learn best by example. You don't have to regale your child with tales of your charitable works or keep him glued to your side while you serve meals in a soup kitchen to prove that you care too. But neither should you hide everyday acts of kindness. If you're taking a meal to a friend who has just gotten out of the hospital, say so. If you help raise funds for worthy causes through your church, temple, or local community group, talk about it. If you give money to an organization you believe in, explain why doing so is important to you.

By talking about to whom and how you give, you not only show your kids the importance of giving itself, but you're sharing your values about the issues that matter most to your family  -- whether you're passionate about supporting the arts, cleaning up the environment, assisting the elderly, or helping to alleviate poverty and homelessness. Although some parents may worry about exposing young children to painful experiences that might haunt them later, Houser thinks the joy inherent in giving far outweighs any sadness they may encounter. She notes, "Kids can handle so much more than we give them credit for."

So can moms and dads. Busy parents who have found it hard to devote time to worthy causes outside their own homes may well discover that teaching their children to give back to the community is an ideal way to get back in touch with their own charitable impulses. "We call it trickle-up charity," says Spaide. "The effort starts with the kids, but the parents often get the biggest payoff of all."
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5 (Little) Moves for a Longer Life

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Article from Reader's Digest - By Sara Altshul from Reader's Digest | November 2011
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Diabetes stats just keep spiking — a staggering 350 million people around the globe now have the disease, and the U.S. numbers are among the worst in the world. That means more heart attacks, more strokes, and a shorter life expectancy, even if you're otherwise healthy. Eat right; exercise more — the advice is simple but sometimes hard to follow.

What do top experts suggest for closing that gap? .

1) Have A Side Salad. When you're indulging in high-carb foods (pasta, potatoes, or rice, for example), serve salad, too — and make sure the dressing contains vinegar. Consuming one and a half tablespoons of vinegar can lower your blood sugar by 42 percent, a small study showed last year.

2. Treat Your Pasta Right
Keeping your cells responsive to insulin is key to warding off diabetes because insulin is the hormone that sweeps sugar out of the blood. Here's an effective, tasty way to do that: Sauté your pasta in extra-virgin olive oil (and throw in some vegetables for good measure). That approach substantially increased insulin sensitivity for overweight women in recent research. The researchers say that sautéing any carb-rich food in olive oil will help hold blood sugar steady.

3. Move a Little
Just one session of moderate exercise improves your body's blood-sugar control, new research shows — and mini-bursts of activity seem to be as effective as continuous exercise. (In fact, sitting for hours at a time boosts your risk of a variety of diseases even if you're otherwise active.) Aim to move at least 30 to 45 minutes a day. What makes that goal less daunting: You can rack up some of those minutes during TV commercials or other bits of downtime as long as you move briskly.

4. Enforce a Blackout
If you don't sleep seven or eight hours most nights, your risk of developing diabetes — or having it get worse — rises by 37 to 88 percent, says a recent study. To sleep longer and better, go dark because even a small amount of light during bedtime hours slows the production of melatonin, the hormone that makes you sleepy. Reading lights or glowing screens can be enough to rev your body. If you want to read in bed, try wearing an inexpensive pair of amber shades — they block blue light waves that are particularly disruptive for melatonin (safetyglassesusa.com/amberlens.html). Use a computer before bedtime? Download free blue-filtering software, such as F.lux (stereopsis.com/flux).

5. Substitute Nuts for Potatoes
Potatoes deliver a dietary double whammy: They make your blood sugar rise and over the years are particularly likely to make you gain weight, a recent long-term study showed. Nuts may be high in fat, but snacking on a handful instead of chips or fries will help you lose pounds, researchers say. And a number of recent studies have shown pistachios, almonds, and peanuts have surprising power to keep blood sugar even. Sources: Sara Farnetti, MD, Catholic University of the Sacred Heart, Rome; Mickey Harpaz, PhD, author of Menopause Reset!; Cyril Kendall, PhD, University of Toronto; Stavros Liatis, MD, Athens University Medical School; Dariush Mozaffarian, MD, Harvard School of Public Health; Anoop Shankar, MD, West Virginia University School of Medicine; John Thyfault, PhD, University of Missouri

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Do You Want To Look And Feel Younger?

Article from Yahoo!
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Many of us are looking for ways to stay young and although you can't stop the clock, you can fight the signs of aging and the aging process with a few wise moves. Aside from good skincare habits, maintaining an active lifestyle, and reducing calorie intake, the following tips will help you to look and feel younger for longer.

1. Use your brain

Although the brain isn't a muscle, the old 'use it or lose it' adage still applies. Brain scans show that when people use their brains in unaccustomed ways, more blood flows into different areas of the brain, and new neural pathways form.

In a study in the journal Nature in 2004, young people were taught how to juggle. After three months, MRI scans showed enlargement of the grey matter in their brains—the part responsible for higher mental functions. When the participants in the study stopped juggling, their brains shrank again, suggesting that we need to keep our brains engaged to maintain mental agility and function. So, whether it's a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or a university degree, trying giving your brain a challenge every day and you'll be more likely to keep your marbles!

Also, another study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association showed that more frequent participation in mentally stimulating activities can lead to a reduced risk of Alzheimer's disease.

2. Be sociable

According to US government research, social isolation is a predictor of declining mental function in older age. Experts believe this may be down to not using a wide variety of communication skills.

Research shows that people who are part of a group—whether it's a church or a book club—are healthier than solitary people when they are older, and that the wider the range of relationships (family, friends, work and so on) a person has, the less cognitive decline they will experience with aging. So, as well as tackling the crossword puzzle on your lonesome, make time in your life for shared activities—and ensure you spend time with as wide a range of people as possible.

3. Increase your intake of antioxidants

As we age, levels of harmful free radical levels rise, while the body's production of antioxidants —the compounds which can 'mop up' free radicals—declines.

According to studies at the Human Nutrition Research Centre on Aging at Tufts University in Boston, antioxidant-rich foods may slow aging processes in the body and brain. Researchers found that foods such as blueberries and spinach could increase the antioxidant power of human blood by 10 to 25 per cent—so try eating more of these.

The antioxidant vitamins A, C and E play a major role in protecting the body against free radicals, so aim not only to get your five-a-day, but also ensure that you take in a wide variety of fruit and veggies, especially those of strong color. Vitamin A in particular helps to keep the skin strong and healthy, which we get in our diet from foods rich in beta-carotene. Carrots are the obvious choice—but sweet potato, pumpkin and melon are also good sources.

4. Have more sex

It's official: getting active between the sheets can help keep you youthful. Sex enhances emotional intimacy, relaxes us, decreases stress, and makes us feel great.

A study conducted by Psychology Today magazine found that the more active and satisfying a person's sex life is, the fitter and healthier they tend to be. For example, athletes who were still competing in sport in their sixties had sex lives comparable to those 20 years younger. And it wasn't just big talk—the researchers interviewed their spouses for verification!

Also, in his book Real Age, Michael Roizen reported that women who are unsatisfied with the quality or quantity of their sexual relationships have a life expectancy half a year less than is average for their age, while women who are satisfied with both the quality and quantity have a life expectancy one and a half years longer than average. For men, having fewer than five orgasms a year shortens life expectancy by two and a half years, while a man having more than 300 orgasms a year will add three years to his life expectancy.

5. Believe in yourself

As well as being physically, mentally and socially active, people who reach old age have a high level of what's called 'self efficacy'. Self efficacy is a blend of self belief and confidence, and studies show that it is a major distinguishing trait in centenarians.

Researchers reported that the older centenarians become, the more they make decisions on the basis of what they believe as opposed to what others expect. They place responsibility for their health with themselves and not their doctors. People with high self efficacy tend to see problems as challenges to be met, setbacks as a reason to double their efforts, and failure as a learning experience for next time.

6. Protect your skin

There are two factors affecting the way we age: intrinsic factors—caused by the genes we inherit—and extrinsic (external or environmental) factors, such as exposure to the sun's rays and cigarette smoking. This is the area that you can take action in.

If you smoke, stop—and if you don't wear a sun protection factor on your skin, start! Without protection from the sun's rays, just a few minutes of exposure each day over the years can add up to cause noticeable changes and damage to the skin, such as freckles, age spots, spider veins and fine wrinkles. Cigarette smoking causes biochemical changes in our bodies that accelerate aging. A person who smokes 10 or more cigarettes a day for a minimum of 10 years is statistically more likely to develop deeply wrinkled, leathery skin than a non-smoker.

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What Are The 10 Principles of Good Parenting?

Article from MedicineNet.com

What Are The 10 Principles of Good Parenting?

1. What you do matters. Whether it's your own health behaviors or the way you treat other people, your children are learning from what you do. "This is one of the most important principles,"

Steinberg explains. "What you do makes a difference...Don't just react on the spur of the moment. Ask yourself, What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that result?"

2. You cannot be too loving. "It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love," Steinberg writes. "What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love -- things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions."

3. Be involved in your child's life. "Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs to do. Be there mentally as well as physically."

Being involved does not mean doing a child's homework -- or correcting it. "Homework is a tool for teachers to know whether the child is learning or not," Steinberg says. "If you do the homework, you're not letting the teacher know what the child is learning."

4. Adapt your parenting to fit your child. Keep pace with your child's development. Your child is growing up. Consider how age is affecting the child's behavior.

"The same drive for independence that is making your 3-year-old say 'no' all the time is what's motivating him to be toilet trained," writes Steinberg. "The same intellectual growth spurt that is making your 13-year-old curious and inquisitive in the classroom also is making her argumentative at the dinner table."

5. Establish and set rules. "If you don't manage your child's behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to manage himself when he is older and you aren't around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself.

"But you can't micromanage your child," Steinberg notes. "Once they're in middle school, you need to let the child do their own homework, make their own choices and not intervene."

6. Foster your child's independence. "Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps her develop a sense of self-direction. To be successful in life, she's going to need both."

It's normal for children to push for autonomy, says Steinberg. "Many parents mistakenly equate their child's independence with rebelliousness or disobedience. Children push for independence because it is part of human nature to want to feel in control rather than to feel controlled by someone else."

7. Be consistent. "If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child's misbehavior is your fault, not his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non-negotiables. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it."

8. Avoid harsh discipline. Parents should never hit a child, under any circumstances, Steinberg says. "Children who are spanked, hit, or slapped are more prone to fighting with other children," he writes. "They are more likely to be bullies and more likely to use aggression to solve disputes with others."
"There are many other ways to discipline a child -- including 'time out' -- which work better and do not involve aggression."

9. Explain your rules and decisions. "Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to," he writes. "Generally, parents overexplain to young children and underexplain to adolescents. What is obvious to you may not be evident to a 12-year-old. He doesn't have the priorities, judgment, or experience that you have."

10. Treat your child with respect. "The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him respectfully," Steinberg writes. "You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to anyone else. Speak to him politely. Respect his opinion. Pay attention when he is speaking to you. Treat him kindly. Try to please him when you can. Children treat others the way their parents treat them. Your relationship with your child is the foundation for her relationships with others."
For example, if your child is a picky eater: "I personally don't think parents should make a big deal about eating," Steinberg says. "Children develop food preferences. They often go through them in stages. You don't want to turn mealtimes into unpleasant occasions. Just don't make the mistake of substituting unhealthy foods. If you don't keep junk food in the house, they won't eat it."

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